Let’s get real about why your approaches might be falling flat. The good news? Most guys are making the same mistakes, and once you know what they are, they’re pretty easy to fix.
The Pre-Approach Killers
The biggest mistake happens before you even make your move: waiting too long. You spot her, you think about approaching, you wait for the “perfect moment”… and suddenly she’s gone. Meanwhile, your nerves have built up so much you could power a small city. Here’s the truth: there is no perfect moment. There’s just now, and later when you’re kicking yourself for not trying.
But timing does matter. Approaching a woman who’s clearly in the middle of a work meeting at a coffee shop, or deep in conversation with her friends, or crushing it at the gym with headphones on – that’s not timing, that’s torpedoing your chances before you start.
Physical Approach Blunders
You’d be amazed how many guys mess up before opening their mouths. Coming up from behind or from a blind spot? That’s a great way to trigger her creep radar. Getting too close too fast? You might as well wear a sign that says “I don’t understand personal space.”
The energy you bring is crucial. Too many guys either come in like they’re trying to sell a timeshare (way too intense) or approach like they’re apologizing for existing (way too timid). You want to match the energy of the environment – coffee shop energy is different from club energy.
Communication Failures
Let’s talk about opening…
The most successful conversation starters (we call them openers) with women are ones that take something that is going on in the environment and use it as a starter for the conversation…
Things like…
Talking about what she wearing, what she’s doing, or something in the surrounding area that is interesting is universally, the most successful.
We’ve tried them all… many openers work in different situations better than others… but indirect, situational or observational are always the best.
Once you’re talking, avoid turning it into a job interview.
You know the type: “What do you do? Where are you from? Do you come here often?”
Boring.
Real conversation flows.
It has give and take.
If you’re doing all the talking or asking all the questions, you’re doing it wrong… when you approach a woman, you should really have either a plan or the ability to hold the conversation, even if she doesn’t have much to say.
The responsibility falls on you to make the converation happen… remember, you approached her, not the other way around.
Mindset Problems
One of the biggest killers is being too focused on the outcome. If you’re thinking about getting her number while she’s still saying hello, you’re not present in the moment. She can feel that. You’re not having a conversation; you’re trying to get something from her.
Another massive mistake?
Trying too hard to impress.
Dropping hints about your job, your car, your apartment – it screams insecurity.
Genuine confidence doesn’t need to prove itself.
Social Awareness Gaps
If she’s with friends, they’re part of the equation. Ignoring them is a rookie mistake. These people are her safety net and social circle. Win them over, and you’ve got allies. Ignore them, and you’ve got obstacles.
Context is everything. What works at a social event won’t work at the grocery store. What’s charming at a bar might be creepy at the gym. Read the room, read the situation, read her body language.
The Follow-Through Fails
Know when to wrap it up. Seriously. If the conversation’s going well, end it while it’s still good. Leave her wanting more. If it’s not going well, bow out gracefully. Nothing’s worse than someone who can’t take a hint.
And for the love of all things sacred, handle rejection like an adult. No arguing, no trying to change her mind, no getting defensive. Thank her for her time and move on with your dignity intact.